Right off the bat I will tell you this morning's little secret. Now for those who were not here last night, briefly, I am using all my talks this year to tell you secrets about you and me that you did not know. I am doing it because the last two Hebrew letters, used as numbers, that make up the number of this year-samekh, daled, can be read as if they spelled the word SOD, or secret.

So here's the secret: Most of our congregation have, at one time or another, made sure that I knew they were "not religious." It is the one blank on the congregational membership application that everyone "fills in," even though the application has no question about your religiosity.

By "not religious" people might mean a variety of things, but one of the things that most of them say they mean by it is that they are conflicted over the definition of G0d, and even over the relevance of G0d to Judaism. Still, even on those days that they feel OK about the concept of G0d the Creat0r, they don't feel OK about the concept of G0d as a C0mmander of rituals. Maybe G0d was the author of a universal sense of right and wrong morally, but not the C0mmander of right and wrong ritually. Why should the ultimate C0nsciousness of the Universe care about which way we put candles into a Menorah, or what we do on any given day, as long as it is moral?

Feeling conflicted and ambivalent about the relationship of G0d to Judaism makes the doing of rituals and the saying of blessings a difficult thing, especially if we think about what we are saying. One honest way to resolve this issue is to stop saying blessings and prayers. I had a Labor Zionist Israeli friend who never said blessings when she lit candles for Shabbat or Chanukah. I found it strange. Not so much because she had chosen to do Jewish acts while affirming herself as an atheist, because I am comfortable with many ways Jews do things authentically, out of conviction. I felt funny about lighting candles without a blessing because I felt that the act was somehow naked, that the act was missing its clothing, if I did not say something that explained why I was doing it while I was doing it.

But there is a different way to be conflicted about G0d and mitzvot and still say the ancient words of these blessings and prayers. I want to tell you how one of our congregants resolved this for himself, and then lead you to think about the words you say when you do Jewish things.

This past summer, one of our bar mitzvah students wanted to make sure that I was aware that he was an atheist. Inasmuch as it was extremely important to him to let me know this, it became extremely important to me to discuss this with him. What I told him was that if he could not impart meaning to the words he would be saying when leading the congregation in the Shabbat morning service, he would not only be doing a meaningless act, but a hypocritical one as well. So I challenged him to find meaning in the words by retranslating them for himself.

This was all the more poignant as his Torah portion (Deuteronomy, chapter 13) spoke of how our community of old was to deal with those trying to lure us away from our worship of the 0ne G0d, and the penalty was death.

Well, as we are in the middle of a building campaign, and as his parents are old friends of mine, I didn't want to stone this good boy to death, so I decided to show him how to go about reworking the meaning of the blessing words, and gave him examples of other modern Jewish naturalist philosophers for whom the words "G0d" and "Universe" are synonyms.

Many of you who have heard me prattle on from this or other bimahs over the last thirty years know that "G0d" and "Universe" are synonyms to me. The thing that sets me apart from being an atheist is that G0d is an important word to me, and that I have found a personal relationship with the Universe. In fact, many of you know that I spell the word Universe, when I mean to imply G0d, as Y-0-u- Niverse. The beginning U sound in U-niverse is, to me, the pronoun You, and that is how I translate the Hebrew word Atah. Baruch Atah, to me, is a way I thank the Y0u of the Universe for my blessings. I also thank the Y0u-niverse for those evils that befall me, that remind me that I am as human as anyone here, and certainly not the center of the Universe, and not, therefore, G0d. Blessing G0d for the evil as well as for the good is a longstanding Jewish tradition.

But enough of me. What I want to do is read to you most of DJ Shelton's Bar Mitzvah D'var Torah (literally, a "Word of Teaching" or, a Sermon), which poses the question, "can you, the congregation say amen to the prayers of an atheist?" I am reading DJ's talk because in the month since he gave it, I have sent it to many of you in order to liberate you from the agony of being a "secretly unreligious Jew" among this sea of Chassidim that everybody thinks everyone else must be.

I am not reading DJ's D'var Torah because it is better than all the other kids' Divrey Torah (plural for D'var Torah), because, I have to tell you, they are all good, and they all provoke thought. For example, just before Rosh haShanah Josh Maine asked about the Time Paradox of G0d, which is, simply, if G0d is already aware of the future, what is the point of praying?

Sarah Shinsky, last May, was impressed by the image of the cloud of G0d's glory that covered the wilderness sanctuary, so she asked why clouds should symbolize G0d's glory. No one who was there that morning will ever look at clouds the same way again.

I teach all my students to ask questions. Questioning G0d is the essence of Judaism, and it is why the Haggadah begins with four questions. In fact, we remember most what we question first. When adult congregants engage in this discussion led by a new young adult, it shows the bar/t mitzvah students that adults are still searching for answwers, and that we are still interested in the search.

Each Shabbat we have a similar presentation and discussion, co-led by the bar or bat mitzvah and by me. I even know people who get there at eleven so as to skip the prayers and be there for the discussions. By the way, we do discussions at all Shabbat morning services whether or not there is a bar/t mitzvah. This is not something we can do in a room this size, unfortunately. But with only a hundred and fifty or so, we can.

Now, if you think this was a shameless self-promotion of our Shabbat morning Torah discussions, it was.

So let us return to the point. Here is most of DJ's talk:

"When I began to study with Ari I told him that I was an atheist. After I told him what I was he asked me these questions:

1. How do I describe myself as an atheist?

2. How do I describe myself as a Jew?

3. Can I say these prayers in our services today without being hypocritical?

And, 4. Can you, the congregation, say amen to the blessings that I lead?

As a bar mitzvah, I am as obligated as any Jewish adult to do these mitzvot. Therefore, I can say the blessings for all the adults in this room, and if you say amen you have fulfilled that mitzvah as well. Now, if I am an atheist can you bless God through me, and answer amen to my prayers?"

Let me just interject here, in the middle of DJ's D'var Torah, to say that many people are confused about what status they have if they never had a ceremony to mark their becoming a Jewish adult. The answer is, that you are a bar or bat mitzvah when you turn thirteen, with or without a service commemorating it. And now, back to DJ's D'var Torah:

"According to Rabbi Yosef Levin of Chabad, he would answer amen to my blessings. The reason is that he believes that what the Jewish mind does not believe a Jewish soul actually does believe. So when he says amen to my blessings he's saying amen to my soul's blessing.

Let me backtrack to my original questions now.

1. How do I describe myself as an atheist? I am an atheist because I believe in physics, science, and evolution rather than the supernatural. I think that the universe created the earth and every other thing in the universe. I think at the beginning of time some people saw some miracles, things they could not explain, and wanted an answer for why it happened. The answer they came up with was a supernatural 'GOD' that could do anything God wished. That explained the 'miracles.'

I don't believe in that supernatural God, but people can believe what they want - no problem. My belief is not supposed to be a barrier to their beliefs. However, what really bothers me is when people use God as an excuse to kill people, to commit genocide, and to make other people feel guilty. Many people now hate each other just because of their religion.

2. How do I describe myself as a Jew, and which label-Jew or Atheist, is more important to me?

I most definitely argue like a Jew. I also think that my Judaism is in my soul and it's a more sub-conscious feeling, I know I am a Jew but I don't know why exactly.

Basically, I am like Israel-a God wrestler-although for me the wrestling is not with God per se but with the concepts of the forces that rule the universe. Still, I wrestle and search for the truth in all of this. This is the most important label for me.

Also I am a Jew because of my commitment to "Tikkun Olam" (repairing the world through Tzedakah and righteous action). This is an important part of my Judaism.

3. Can I say these blessings and prayers? Ari said every Jew needs to have their own understanding of the beginning of every blessing: "Baruch Atah Adonay, Eloheynu Melech haOlam, Asher Kid'shanu B'Mitzvotav Vitzivanu ."

In our (new) Siddur, this is translated as 'Blessed You, Adonay, our God, ruler of the universe, Who has consecrated us with mitzvot-the mitzvah of.

Ari told me that the prayer book committee decided against the standard translation-'Who consecrated us with commandments and commanded us to (do such and such)' because our congregation is conflicted about God as commanding commandments. So they left the word "mitzvah" undefined.

Ari told me to come up with a translation of the beginning of all blessings that I believe and affirm. Here is my translation of: Baruch Atah Adonay Eloheynu Melech haOlam Asher Kid'shanu B'Mitzvotav Vitzivanu:

Blessed is the universe, our creator, the natural laws of the world, which upholds the natural law of the earth, and gives us the meaning of life and all of its wonders.

Why did I translate it this way? Since I don't believe in a supernatural person called "God," I came up with a translation for these words so I was not being hypocritical. This blessing that I created has nothing to do with God, which is exactly how I feel in my mind.

I also think that the universe is the lawmaker, not controlled by a supernatural lawmaker, that is, God. I think that the universe controls everything, everywhere, including our future and past. It gives us the meaning of life and all the things to deal with life.

Now, can I say amen to your blessings? I can say amen to your blessings because I have a translation of the beginning of all blessings that I believe and affirm. When you the congregation are saying what you're saying, I have my own way of translating and understanding it. This allows me to say Jewish blessings and prayers and participate fully in a Jewish service as a Jew.

And here we come to my question to you: can you say amen to my blessings?" At this point DJ goes on to quote his parents and brother as to whether they can, and they all have their reason for affirming his blessings.

But I ask you, if G0d is important to you, can you say amen to an atheist's blessing? Can you say amen to DJ's blessings? Do you, like Chassidic orthodox Rabbi Levin, say amen to his soul's prayer, or do you affirm the words of tradition without affirming his interpretation of them?

And, if you define yourself as an atheist, can you say amen to the blessing of someone who says their prayers out of a concept of G0d?

No matter who you are, do you have a way of translating "Baruch Atah Adonay, Eloheynu Melech haOlam, Asher Kid'shanu B'Mitzvotav Vitzivanu ." in a way that takes these words seriously? If not, would you like to learn how to make these words and concepts work for you?

You'll have several chances to do this. First, I will lead a session in the Yom Kippur afternoon discussion groups on translating these words in such a way as to make them personally meaningful.

Second, starting in January, I will lead a seven week class on modern Jewish thought with the goal of having each person come to a personal translation of the beginning line of our traditional blessing formula. I call this class, "Coming to Amen," finding your way of Jewish affirmation.

And last, we are considering a program where adults get together around dinner to discuss the meaning of life. These dinner conversations will not be a class, and will not be lectures by me or by anyone, so this is only partly on topic. But if you have not had a chance to talk about these significant issues with adults you trust and respect of your own community, then having had a chance to see how people answer these questions for themselves may help you formulate an answer to the questions your own heart and mind pose.

If you are interested in helping organize these home-hosted dinners, or are interested in hosting or leading one, let me know.

I cannot give you a translation of our traditional words that will work for you. I can only lead you through considering the question through the insights of others who have wrestled with it before. What I hope to challenge us all to do is to have a way of taking traditional words seriously despite the ambivalencies we may have about all of this "religious" stuff. That is one of the things it means to be a member of a synagogue. Even if you are one of the "unreligious" members!

Still, every Jew, religious and unreligious alike, needs to be able to explain to herself these four questions. Just as a Haggadah begins with four questions, so does being an adult Jew. Here they are:

What can I say "amen" to?

Wh0 can I say "amen" to.

What motivates me, impels me, compels me, commands me morally, in custom, and in common courtesy?

Wh0 motivates me, impels me, compels me, commands me morally, in custom, and in common courtesy?

If you can struggle to an answer to these four questions, then, like the adults at Shabbat morning services who wrestle with the concepts the bar and bat mitzvah students wonder about, you will demonstrate to young and old that you are truly a descendant of the people called YisraEl, the G0dwrestlers.