Those of you who know me know that I fancy myself to be a wordsmith, a writer, someone who takes the meanings of words as well as their connotations seriously. I live with a constant struggle to make my words, and the face and tone of voice that say them, say exactly what I want them to say. I admit that I am not a master of all my words, and sometimes I let slip a malapropism, anger, disappointment, or some other piece of inappropriate emotional baggage when I would rather have been more in control of what I was saying. If I have been that way with any of you, I sincerely apologize.

One example of uncontrolled words causing trouble when let loose is when President Bush called for a "Crusade" against terrorism. Crusade is a word that calls to mind, for Muslims, and, I should add, for Jews as well, Christian atrocities committed in the name of the Cross. The word "Crusade" implies a jihad under the banner of the Cross. When Bush used that term, he gave the son of Laden, yimach sh'mo, may his name be blotted out, a way to propagandize back. The nameless one faxed a response, which, in translation, spoke of "Islam's battle in this era against the new Christian-Jewish crusade led by the big crusader Bush under the flag of the Cross."

Moral: watch your language, or it may come back to bite you. And that is the theme of this talk.

This is the season of the celebration and appreciation of Creation. According to Genesis, in one of the most important images in our Torah, G0d created this world with speech. G0d spoke, and there was a world! Hebrew shows us this connection between speech and substance by the fact that the same word (Davar) is used for "he spoke" and "thing". We similarly create the worlds we inhabit with the words we use. As a matter of fact, even in English, the connection is strong between these two concepts. How many times have you said or typed the word "world" instead of "word", or vice versa?

Coincidence or Divine plan? Discuss.

Words matter. When I was the Stanford Hillel Director I ran an exercise on a conference weekend that challenged the students to see if they could describe their Jewish identities in 25 words or less, all of which were positive statements. It was one of the hardest things the students had ever tried to do.

Here's an example of why: While I was in rabbinical school the director of a local Jewish agency addressed one of my classes. When one of my classmates asked this man how his Jewish practice informed his practices in the agency he directed, he responded, "well, I'm very Reform. You name it and I don't do it."

What's wrong with this picture? Here we have a man whose Jewish identity is negative. He is already one-down among fellow Jews, trying to play catch-up, defending himself against the agendas of the rest of the Jewish world. To him, Orthodox means "yes" and Reform means "no". What a lousy way to live every day!

It should come as no surprise to anyone that there are as many orthodox who choose their own practice so as not to be seen as "too reform" as their are reform who are afraid of being labeled too orthodox.

Labels are one root of the problem. Trying to fit into somebody else's label is usually impossible, yet we do it anyway. When we label ourselves, or our children, or anyone else, we have a tendency to try to live down to the label's expectation. We really do. It is as if we say to ourselves, "You think I am this way? I'll show you how that way I can be." When we lose our tempers and call our children, or our spouse or friend a name, when we give them a label, they have a tendency to grow into exactly what we wish they would not be.

And so it is with us as Jews. We have a tendency to live down to the labels others give us. Some psychologists call this "internalized oppression." Others oppress us, in this case, with words, and we take these words to heart.

Here is an example of such internalized oppression, of owning the labels that others hang on us: When I teach introduction to Judaism classes and ask people to talk about their own Jewish self-definitions, they most often start out by saying, "I don't do this and I never do that and I don't believe in this and that's too orthodox for me." They never even get around to saying what it is that they do believe, what they do do. All they can see is how others criticize them, the angry and disappointed words that others hang on them like wanted posters in a post office.

Yet one of the things these people seem to be committed to is being Jewish and learning more about it-otherwise they wouldn't be in my class! The same goes for our congregation as a whole. Those of you who plunk down good hard-earned cash to be members must be committed to being Jewish.

So why don't most of us start out by proudly asserting, "I am into my Jewish identity, and this is what I do, and this is what I believe?" I think it is mostly because we have accepted the debate agenda from the Jewish camp that says that the only "true Jew" is one who does it "their way", whatever "their way" is, but our Jewish identities are so fragile and ambivalent that we are sure it is not "our way." Therefore, even though many of us may not accept the validity of the other camp's labels, we repeat all the points of the other agenda in a long laundry list of "I don'ts". Now what kind of Jewish identity do you think that is going to generate? Only a negative one.

In addition to internalizing the criticism leveled at us for the things we do not do or believe, we also downplay ourselves as Jews in order to fit in with other self-deprecating Jews who, we feel, would look askance at us for feeling positive about being actively Jewish. In an ocean of self-deprecatingly self-labeled internally self-oppressed Jews, it is hard to be proud and positive.

Well, just as this is a time when patriotism is coming out of the closet in a forest of flags, so it may be the time to use positive words to describe ourselves as Jews.

So let's start describing ourselves by what we do, not by what we do not do. For example, you are here this morning. And most of you had to take off work and school to do it! That in itself is a statement of priorities.

Why did you make the effort to be here in this assembly on this day? I don't presume to know why you are really here, but deep down, you do. Find that reason, bring it up, and cherish it. Don't let anyone put you down for it. They have their lives to lead, and you have yours. That could be the core of your positive Jewish identity.

Here is an example of how words can paralyze us. Imagine yourself on a ladder. All of a sudden some helpful soul, or is it a malicious soul, cries out, "Don't look down!" How can we not look down once they have said that. It is as if I would say not to think about an elephant. Can you just see that elephant? If someone tells us not to look down, we will look down just to know why, and then we may become paralyzed by the height, by our fear of falling.

All of us are on a Jewish ladder, on our own spiritual journeys higher or back down. When someone tells us not to look down, that is exactly what we will do on our Jewish ladder, and then we will freeze in position, unable to rise or alight. That is the dangerous power of words over us as we attempt to define who we are and what we want to be and do.

Let me give you an example. This past summer at the Reform Rabbis Conference in Monterey, you'll be glad that I took the time to sign up and take an afternoon's seminar on: "Spiritual Golf." I could detail for you the many things I learned about how I play golf, but the most important thing I learned was this: if I concentrate on what I do not want to do, that is exactly what I will end up doing. If I see a large body of water before me and I say to myself, "Don't hit it in the water," I will freeze up and hit it right into the water. Instead, I should visualize how I would like the ball to go, see and feel the good golf shot in my mind and my body, and go with that. Works every time. Er, almost.

When it doesn't work, our instructor told us not to swear. Instead, we are to look at it and say, "Interesting." There were 24 rabbis hacking our way across the golf course muttering, "Interesting" a lot.

Still the lesson was clear, and my game is much better, calmer, and happier now, not to mention that my language on the golf course is sweeter.

The point is, we create the world with our words. We can label ourselves with what we do not want to be, or we can visualize how we would like to be. One way we will find ourselves paralyzed on a ladder, afraid to look down. The other way we will see our golf balls soaring toward the green. Your choice.

It is in our own power to define ourselves. And hopefully, we will do it with a positive attitude and based on what we practice and on what we believe.

Here is an example of people choosing a positive identity over a negative one. When those people opposed to the legalization of abortion decided to mount a campaign against it, they did not call their movement the "anti-abortion crusade." They named it the "pro-life movement." Everyone knew what they were about, but they said it in such a way as to paint themselves positively, both to their members and to outsiders.

Similarly those who fight to keep abortion safe and legal did not name their movement "pro-abortion," because that would be tantamount to calling themselves "fetus-killers." They chose instead to emphasize a more positive identity around which to rally, and called themselves "pro-choice."

Both sides of the debate desired to paint themselves as the positive force, and the other side as the negative force. I am not suggesting which side for you to take in this debate. I am only saying that we can learn a lot from how this debate is being presented as to how to present ourselves to ourselves.

Now imagine us all presenting ourselves positively. I see how, for someone new walking into this congregation, it could be scary being around all these positive Jews. They would not know if all the people around them know more and/or do more than they, or if we will judge them negatively if they do not do and know what we do and know, especially if our congregation's official literature makes it seem as if everybody is very active, which quite a large number of us are, which is one of the great things about our community. Still, it is hard for someone new to build a positive identity when the Jewish kernel of knowledge and practice inside them is small, fragile, and unsure.

Usually the next thing the rabbi says here is to learn more and do more. We can all learn more, and I include myself. But that is not the point of this talk. The point is to have a positive attitude about whatever we are doing at this moment, and about wherever we are on the ladder of our spiritual journey.

If the only attitude we have is one of guilt and resentment, then nothing positive can come of it. The fact is that there are many among us who have begun to liberate themselves from the negative feelings we have about ourselves. Only after we have done that can we even begin to consider growing as Jews. Otherwise it is like trying to grow a seed in sour soil. It is important to grow a seed of Torah in sweet soil.

When I meet with Bar and Bat Mitzvah students, we sweeten our study by beginning with the prayer for reading the Torah from a Book, which we said after the reading on Rosh haShanah evening. After this blessing I give them some candy. Here is the prayer, and this is why I give them the candy:

Sweeten, Ad0nai our G0d,

the words of Y0ur Torah in our mouths,

and in the mouths of Y0ur people Yisrael,

so that we, our descendants,

and the descendants of Y0ur people Yisrael,

all know Y0ur name

and learn Y0ur Torah for its own sake.

Blessed Y0U, Ad0nai,

Teacher of Torah to Y0ur people Yisrael.

When we first meet, I ask them how one can "sweeten the words of Torah in our mouths." The first way is to eat candy when we study the text of the Traditional Torah. This is an old practice, traditionally done with beginning learners. The teacher traces out Hebrew letters in honey, then the children trace them with their fingers and lick off the honey. This way the letters are sweet.

The second way we can sweeten the words of Torah in our mouths is to realize that almost every word we say is in the Torah. Every word I said in that last sentence is a word that appears in the Torah. And every word I just said now also appears in the Torah. Some technical words and names of creatures do not appear, but most every other word does. So when we speak, we are always using words of Torah. We can say them sweetly, or we can use these words that the Torah also uses to curse and cajole, to foul the ears and the mouths. It is up to us what we allow to come out of our mouths. And this whole paragraph was made of words that appear in the Torah. We can and must make them all sweet.

Similarly, we can use sweet words to describe ourselves as Jews, or we can use sour ones. It is our choice.

The third way we sweeten the words of Torah in our mouths is to remember that the word, "Torah", means teaching. Every time we teach we can be sarcastic and derisive, or we can be a positive coach, an inspiration. We can be this way to ourselves as well as to others. We can choose to scare the heck out of each other by shouting out, "Don't look down!" Or we can help each other visualize how we could be, how we could live. It is our choice.

Let the words of Torah be sweet in our mouths, teach sweetly, use sweet words, and eat lots of candy when we study the text!

Let me repeat the challenge I made at the beginning of this talk: let's search our own souls for that which is positive in our Jewish identity. See if you can make it a family activity to express yourselves in 25 words or less, with all the words positive words, saying:

This is what I believe.

This is what I do.

There are sheets at the back of the hall for those who wish to try this exercise at home. On the back of these sheets is a poem about the negative effects of harsh words, on ourselves as well as on our families. There is also the address of the website of the Words Can Heal organization, an organization to promoting the positive usage of words to build character and relationships, and to limiting the hurt that gossip and angry words do.

Let us focus this year on the positive aspects of ourselves

as the kernel out of which a positive new self can sprout.

And may it grow strong

and well

and sweet.